A Message From Deadpool
by Dragonball X Avalon
Summary: Deadpool has message for flamers and jerks. Guest-starring DragonballXAvalon, Clark Kent and Natasha Romanoff.


"Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen, fanfic lovers and metal-dicked fuckers. Yes Colossus, I'm talking to you." Wade Wilson said as he walked onto the stage.

"Wade-" Colossus started only for Wade to hold up his hand.

"That's Deadpool jackass. Now get off my stage."

Colossus didn't move, and Deadpool looked up toward the sky.

"Dragonball, can you get rid of this shithead?" Wade asked, and the author nodded, flicking Colossus off the stage.

"Sure thing Wade. Loved the movie by the way."

"I know right? Ryan Reynolds is totally forgiven for those other two crapshoots. He did me perfectly, and Vanessa was just fucking gorgeous. I mean talk about a hot piece of ass."

"I can think of other things I'd like to do to her. But anyway, can we get to the reason you're in this fanfic?"

"Once this is over we can talk more about my hot baby momma right?"

"Yes Wade. Now if you would be so kind as to tell all our readers why you're here?"

"Sure thing dude."

Deadpool walked around the stage, looking every reader in the eye.

"So after he saw my fantastic movie Dragonball called me and told me about a problem that he was having. Namely that some people who will remain nameless have constantly flamed him for pairing Clark Kent with Natasha Romanoff. Yes you heard that right. Superman winds up with the Black Widow. Slightly fucked up I'll grant you. After all, he's the ultimate boy scout and she's a hot as hell badass assassin."

"Wade, get to the point before I snap your neck." Clark Kent said as he came to stand beside Wade with Natasha beside him.

"Geez Mr. Bourne calm down. It's not like I'm wrong." He said, and Clark laughed.

"That's true, but I think you have me confused with someone else."

"Yeah, the other you."

Clark looked at him blankly, and the author's loud sigh was heard above them.

"He's talking about them. The Clark and Natasha from The Only Two in the Room." Deadpool said as he pointed towards the other two.

"Wait what-" Clark started, only for Deadpool to cut him off.

"Do I seriously have to explain this to the alien's in the room? Okay then. You are the Clark and Natasha from Clark Kent Agent of SHIELD. You know, she kidnaps you, you threaten extreme harm to Nick Fury, join SHIELD, fall in love and-"

"Wade, don't spoil the story." The author said.

"Right. Sorry. Anyway, on the other side we have the Clark and Natasha from The Only Two in the Room. She shows up in Smallville after all that shit with Bucky back in the still cool, but not as cool as mine Marvel movie titled Captain America The Winter Soldier. Natasha proceeds to teach Russian to high schoolers, winds up having a thing for Clark and-"

"Wade, I swear if you spoil the future of my story I will write a story where you kill Vanessa. Now please continue."

"Sure thing dad. Anyway, like I was saying, certain people who shall remain nameless have flamed our good friend DragonballXAvalon for putting the two of you together. Saying that Clark Kent and Natasha Romanoff would never be together. Clark would never join an organization like SHIELD, and making Natasha a teacher is just totally out of character and fucked up in the head. Which it is."

"Wade-"

"Oh come on! Let's just admit it, we're all adult's here. At least I think we are. If you're not well, sorry kid's. Anyway, that's the joy of fanfiction. You can make pairings that are completely fucked up, and somehow make them work. And I'll be honest, it works a bit better than cannon. Smallville's on for ten season's, and the first eight are basally a soap opera. Will Clark Kent fuck Lana Lang or won't he? Spoiler alert! You do. And then some crazy shit goes down thanks to that massive douche Lex Luthor-"

"Hey Lex isn't a bad guy." Clark protested, and Wade shook his head.

"Clarkie, Clarkie, Clarkie. I forgot how naive you are right now. Lex is a douche, pure and simple. He fucks your girlfriend, fakes knocking her up and then turns her into your executioner. Well, a really hot executioner, but the point is if you stay with her she kills you. Then the writers decide to throw you with Lois Lane, which wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that they try to shove all the romance into two seasons. In the end, it's like you settled for Lois. And I have to admit she is kinda hot so you could do worse, but that's not the point. The point is that fanfiction is just that. FANFICTION! As in, not real. As in, the writer can do whatever the hell they want with the character's! Newsflash...It won't be cannon. If you want canon, go watch Smallville or The Avengers!"

Deadpool took a breath, and then kept speaking.

"Look, my man Dragonball is a great guy. But he dosen't get paid for this. He writes fanfic because it's a hobby, a distraction from this thing called real life. And he posts because he wants other people to get to enjoy his work. If you don't, that's okay. I mean, no one is forcing you to read his stuff. There are plenty of other writers on fanfic, and most of them are better than him. If you don't like his stuff, go read someone else's. But don't be a tool, and just flame his stuff. Positive reviews, constructive criticism, those are great. Even negative reviews are okay, even though they might not be fun to read. But flaming his work just makes you a total dick. And flames will be deleted. This has been Deadpool for DrangonballXAvalon."

"Thanks Deadpool. And if you haven't already seen it, go see Deadpool. In theaters now."


End file.
